Southern Railway customers enjoy vastly improved commute after building replacement railway out of Brio

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Fed up with a near constant barrage of delays, cancellations and now a two-day strike by rail workers, Southern commuters have collectively built a more efficient, reliable service out of their children’s miniature wooden train sets.

In an impressive display of teamwork which Southern Railway staff could learn from, the construction of the wooden train line running parallel with the redundant Southern line was completed yesterday, just in time for the 48-hour strike.

Despite having to use one foot to balance on a tiny wooden train and the other foot to propel them along, commuters are already noticing an instant improvement in journey time, comfort and reliability of service.

Commuter Eleanor Gay told reporters, “Today I arrived at work on time, after a stress-free, enjoyable commute.

“Our Brio trains can travel up to 5 mph, nearly triple the average speed of a Southern train if you take into account those trains that are cancelled or delayed.

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“And because we control the departure time, we know when to set off to ensure we don’t get fired by our employers for being constantly late.”

She continued, “There was a little delay this morning after someone left a wooden toy cow on the track, and there was a single leaf on the track near Dorking, but I overcame these by simply lifting the train over the obstruction and then continuing my journey.”

Southern employee Simon Williams responded with a shrug saying “Meh, whatever” before returning to hibernation.