Following his X Factor win, Matt Terry is preparing for a year in which he will end up in a panto after being dropped by Simon Cowell’s record label.
Terry won the final after receiving the most votes from a fickle public who already hold him in contempt.
Reacting to Terry’s final performance, the X Factor judges were unanimous in their praise.
“Y’know, that performance is what this show is all about,” said Simon Cowell.
“You started off shit and got gradually worse.”
“You nailed that performance!” enthused Louis Walsh.
“If that performance was Jesus, there’d be no way he’d be getting down from his crucifix.”
Speaking after his win, an almost emotional Matt Terry said: “I’d like to thank the judges.
“I’ll be grateful to them until the day I die, or at least until they start refusing my phone calls.”