Monday 12 December 2016 by Lucas Wilde

“I don’t like intelligence” understates Donald Trump

Trump rejects intelligence

Donald Trump has reiterated his disdain for intelligence.

The President-elect made his statement after the Central Intelligence Agency discovered that Russian cyber experts may have interfered with the U.S. election via some kind of computer magic.

“Who needs intelligence anyway?” mused Trump.

“I’ve never needed intelligence. I know lots of unintelligent people. They’re great. They’re great people. A lot of them voted for me.

“I have no need for daily intelligence briefings. I have enough intelligence as it is. I had enough to win an election. I have great intelligence. The CIA is surplus intelligent. Bigly surplus.”

Simon Williams, a CIA spokesperson, said, “that’s fine with us.

“We’re more than happy to deal with President Tr…Tr… Jesus Christ that’s hard to say… give me a minute…

“Sorry. Ok. We’re more than happy to deal with…with him… as little as humanly possible.

“Although it’s largely irrelevant as a lot of us are planning to resign as soon as he takes office.

“I’ve recently received a very tempting offer from a different government body so I’ll be heading there. Can’t say which country it’s for but, safe to say, Америка может подпрыгнуть свой собственный зад и умереть, if you know what I mean.”

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