Friday 9 December 2016

Private Schools propose absolute minimum they can get away with to retain charitable status

Private schools to accept poorer children to retain charitable status

Private schools have agreed to try and do something for children from poorer backgrounds in order to retain the tax benefits of being a registered charity.

After coming under increasing pressure to justify their status as charities despite turning over millions ever years in the service of wealthy people, schools have finally agreed the absolute minimum they can get away with doing.

An Independent Schools Council (ISC) spokesperson told us, “Being a charity is great, we pay so little tax, despite the millions in fees we get from rich families, but every now and again the government insists we do something they deem ‘charitable’.

“It’s a bit of a pain, but it’s the price you pay for not having to pay all sorts of taxes.

“So we’ve agreed to take in a few more oiks and strays, not enough to dilute the pool too much, obviously, but enough to prevent further questions about all the tax we avoid.

“We’ll filter out the worst ones and see if we can’t pick out a few of the brighter ones to bring up the averages for the in-bred upper classes you find in most of our schools.

“And yes, of course we take donations. Care to make one?”

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