Birds still angry

author avatar by 8 years ago

Despite seven years of attempted placation, it has been revealed that the birds are still angry.

“We’re at the end of our tether,” said wildlife biologist Simon Williams.

“We’ve tried everything to calm these birds down, from using a giant catapult to fling them at buildings to…alright, so when I say ‘everything,’ we’ve really only tried using a giant catapult to fling them at buildings.

“But really, you’d imagine that would be enough.”

The reason for the anger of birds has been lost in time, but it is thought to be either environmental concerns surrounding the loss of the ecosystem and danger of extinction through hunting, or because some pigs stole their eggs.

NewsThump Hoodies

“Stop f**king asking me why I’m so f**king angry, you f**k,” said one of the angry birds earlier, angrily.

“I’m f**king angry because I’m an angry f**king bird, it’s my f**king nature to be f**king angry.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m due in the catapult to be flung at a building shortly.”

There appears to be no end in sight with regard the ongoing anger of birds.

“No, I can’t see any way to placate them,” continued Mr Williams.

“I mean, what, we’re going to light some aromatherapy candles or give them breathing exercises? They seem like very silly ideas.

“No, we’ll just keep using a giant catapult to fling them at buildings and hope for the best.”