Thursday 1 December 2016

Sugar-free ‘healthy’ advent calendars remain unopened

Healthy advent calendar awful

Alternative advent calendars full of healthy ‘treats’ given to staff at a local firm remain ominously unopened this morning, according to sources close to the matter.

With the first of December usually signifying a race to the first chocolate amongst the various onsite teams, this year’s healthy advent calendar has been met with ambivalence by all staff.

General Manager Simon Williams told us, “We wanted to shake it up a bit and so we gave everyone an alternative advent calendar for their desks.

“It’s got things like nuts and seeds in there. And something made with dirt, I think. No chocolate, though, obviously.

“HR said we have to do something to tick some government boxes on ‘encouraging healthy lifestyles for our employees’, and apparently this is the same as offering them all a gym membership, but an awful lot cheaper.”

Workers at the first have not been particularly receptive to the ‘healthy’ campaign.

One member of the IT support team told us, “I opened it and tried it because it was free, but no, I don’t know what it was.

“I can tell you it was brown-ish and tasted like cold mushy peas. So no, I’m really not looking forward to tomorrow.

“If they want a healthier workforce maybe they could start by not cramming us into tiny cubicles where the only light we get all day is that given off by a giant fluorescent tube.”

However, Shiela in accounts said, “I don’t care, I opened all the windows already and replaced the ‘treats’ with my favourite Quality Street. Merry Christmas!”

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