‘Be sure to leak this document, Simon’ according to leaked documents

author avatar by 8 years ago

Leaked government notes were clearly intended to be leaked, according to reports this morning.

Conservative aide, Simon Williams, had his notepad photographed via a long lens; a notepad which he made no effort to hide and was pointing at while mouthing the words “front page fodder”.

“Ohh… oh bugger,” said a thoroughly convincing Williams.

“I didn’t realise my notes were on show… and oh, look, I’ve highlighted all the really juicy bits such as ‘Brexit fucked’, ‘Theresa doesn’t know what she’s doing’ and ‘Gove is an unhelpful shit’; how silly of me.

“Normally I’d carry all of these notes safely in a folder or briefcase. I don’t know what came over me this morning.

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“I expect the MP to which I answer will be jolly cross with me.”

MP, Jay Cooper, said, “Oh Simon, look what you’ve gone and done.

“You’ve accidentally leaked notes which cast aspersion upon a process that none of us want and that none of us are enjoying.

“I’m afraid it’s no dessert for you tonight, young man,” concluded Mr Cooper, while slipping Mr Williams a Freddo bar with a wink and a whispered “well done”.

Brexit means Clusterf*ck – get the t-shirt