A solitary cinema-goer was today loudly demanding a refund of £18 from the Odeon Leicester Square, ‘plus the money for the 3D glasses’.
Myopic raincoat wearer and aggrieved onanist Simon Williams, 47, told the Thump, “I’ve always had a keen interest in the, hem, hem, beauties of nature.”
“From the pert cups of budding maidenhood to the more rrrrounded and queenly figure,” he added, breathing rapidly and mopping sweat off his face.
In answer to our next question, Mr Williams confirmed that he had never had a girlfriend, but didn’t think this had been an impediment.
“Au contraire,” he confided, with what we assume was a roguish snort.
“Sadly,” Williams went on, “over the years, my hobby has led to a deterioration in my eyesight, as my old scoutmaster once warned me would happen.
“And this has led to me making a perfectly natural and disappointing mistake in the title of a film, for which I hold the Odeon cinema chain
Ordering a couple of bouncers to throw Williams roughly out into the street, the Odeon manager emphasised that he would not be welcome back in the cinema “now or at any future time.”
“And I’ve warned the Vue and the Empire to keep an eye open for him as well,” he added.