Friday 18 November 2016 by Lucas Wilde

First batch of EU savings to be pissed away on Queen’s new curtains

Buckingham Palace

£369m that we (probably) gave to the EU every week is to instead be spent on doing up Buckingham Palace.

Rather than building a new hospital as per the promise made by a bus, the decision has been made to give one of the most expensive buildings on earth a makeover.

“That’s the stuff,” grinned palace spokesperson, Simon Williams.

“Some of the furniture around here is looking positively DFS these days, so it’s high time we got some new ones made out of titanium or something.

“We’ll also be carrying out essential building works to the palace which are definitely more essential than hospitals or helping send all of our kids to university for free.

“The work will take ten years to complete, as per every quote you’ve ever received from a builder.”

Brexiter, Jay Cooper, said, “I mean it’s nice, I like the Queen.

“I just kind of wish that the Brexit bus had kept its promise about the NHS, as I’d really like to have a new hospital a bit closer to home in case anything ever goes wrong with the the kids, you know?

“But new curtains for a rich old lady are good too, obviously.”

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