‘Couples who fart in front of each other stay together longer’, insist men

author avatar by 8 years ago

Men have today said that couples who openly break wind in front of each other have a greater chance of staying together than those who either leave the room or do sly out-the-side ones.

Men claim there is an 80% chance of relationship success with an open fart policy compared to only 60% with a closed farting arrangement. That figure rises to around 85% if Dutch ovens are involved.

Simon Williams, a man, said, “It’s reasonable to have a two-month window of ambiguity, but after that, an open fart policy greatly improves the likelihood of a successful long-term relationship.

“Of course there are respectful limits between both parties. A duvet wafting policy but, only after a heavy dinner, should be upheld and respected.”

Men have also taken the opportunity to advise women never to start a ‘fart war’ as men’s superior power and consistency make it an uneven playing field.

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“My girlfriend gave me a ‘fart cup’ last week thinking it would be funny, so I launched a few grenades her way then opened up the heavy artillery and had her pinned in the corner of the living room for about 45 minutes.”

Women were unavailable for comment.

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