Friday 18 November 2016 by Tom Moore

‘Couples who fart in front of each other stay together longer’, insist men

Couples who fart together, stay together

Men have today said that couples who openly break wind in front of each other have a greater chance of staying together than those who either leave the room or do sly out-the-side ones.

Men claim there is an 80% chance of relationship success with an open fart policy compared to only 60% with a closed farting arrangement. That figure rises to around 85% if Dutch ovens are involved.

Simon Williams, a man, said, “It’s reasonable to have a two-month window of ambiguity, but after that, an open fart policy greatly improves the likelihood of a successful long-term relationship.

“Of course there are respectful limits between both parties. A duvet wafting policy but, only after a heavy dinner, should be upheld and respected.”

Men have also taken the opportunity to advise women never to start a ‘fart war’ as men’s superior power and consistency make it an uneven playing field.

“My girlfriend gave me a ‘fart cup’ last week thinking it would be funny, so I launched a few grenades her way then opened up the heavy artillery and had her pinned in the corner of the living room for about 45 minutes.”

Women were unavailable for comment.

Previous post:

Next post: