Daily Mail tells ‘Toblermoaners’ to shut up and accept the will of the global confectionery giants

author avatar by 7 years ago

The Daily Mail has told people complaining about the recent changes to Toblerone to just shut up and accept the fact that the world is going to get progressively worse for the rest of time.

A Twitter campaign was launched last week by fed up consumers who have grown tired of the number of concessions they have had to make over the last few months.

The Daily Mail, however, hit out at the whingeing, contemptuous, unpatriotic, Toblermoaners who need to accept the fact that everything is going to be totally shit forever.

Many suspect the change – which has only been made in the UK – was linked to the falling pound after Brexit in the same way other household items such as Marmite and Pot Noodle suffered a scare last month.

The Daily Mail has clarified the issue, however.

Deputy Editor Simon Williams told us, “This has nothing whatsoever to do with Brexit.

“Yes it may only be affecting the British market, but that is clearly because we have the most immigrants who are in fact being given the missing triangular segments by the government as part of a lucrative benefits package.

“It’s their fault, and you hate Britain if you disagree.

“And anyway, what’s done is done, and you’re not allowed to talk about it with anyone anymore, you just have to accept everything that happens from now on with a stiff upper lip.”

Meanwhile, across Europe and the US Toblerone bars are said to have nearly doubled in size.

I think, therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader)

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