Donald Trump appoints Lord Voldemort as Chief of Staff

author avatar by 8 years ago

President Trump has begun naming who will serve on his cabinet, and amongst the most eye-catching is the appointment of Lord Voldemort as Chief of Staff.

“We knew that President Trump would need someone who could practise magic,” said US political expert Simon Williams.

“Building a wall, repealing Obamacare, deporting three million people. That’s all on the first day. I can’t see any way of getting that done without the use of some pretty powerful magic.

“But appointing the evilest wizard for thousands and thousands of years? That is a bold move.

“He’ll certainly have the liberal media watching his every step, and the first sign of him murdering his way to more power will no doubt see them come down him like a tonne of bricks.”

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Lord Voldemort, who has been described as a ‘raging psychopath, devoid of normal human responses to other people’s suffering’ will be in charge of the day-to-day operation of President Trump’s White House, including controlling access to the President, management of staff, and organising Secret Santa for the Christmas party.

It is understood that Lord Voldemort had been seeking a return to public life after his humiliating defeat at the hands of Harry Potter, and came close to replacing Randy Jackson on Season 13 of American Idol, but turned it down for a promised role in Celebrity Masterchef that fell through.

Rumours that Lord Voldemort was only offered the role after Sauron, Dark Lord of Mordor, turned it down to work with David Davis on Brexit, are so far unconfirmed.

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