UKIP demand Vimto Christmas lorry tours Britain

author avatar by 7 years ago

UKIP have demanded that Britain bans the Coca-Cola Christmas lorry in favour of a far more British Vimto Christmas lorry.

The right-wing clown show took a brief break from having a leadership punch-up in the car-park to declare that Coca-Cola is far too foreign.

“In this time of Brexit, festive good cheer and racism for all, we should be celebrating great British soft drinks like Vimto or RH Whites lemonade,” said whichever one of the revolving door of cretins and bigots could remain sober long enough to complete a coherent sentence.

“Yet we seem to be in thrall to this foreign muck and tolerate it’s lorry or ‘truck’ as they insist on calling it.”

The Coca-Cola Christmas truck has become something of a festive tradition with its bright lights, cheery music, and soulless corporate branding proving the highlight of the season for morons and idiots alike.

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“Panda Pops, Tizer, and that one that went ‘It’s Frothy Man’,” bellowed the UKIP bellower.

“It’s drinks like these that got us through the war, that Shakespeare drank whilst writing Great Expectations, that our Lady Princess Diana of Hearts refreshed herself with after conceiving Prince William.

“Where are their lorries?”

He then made an obscene reference to refugees, threw up and passed out on the curb.