Friday 11 November 2016 by Gary Stanton

Two minute silence to mark Trump’s election victory

two minute silence for Trump presidency

A two-minute silence will be observed across the UK later to remember those who will die in the forthcoming global war to end all wars.

People gathered at war memorials and in schools, offices and pubs across the UK will pause for two minutes to commemorate the moment America lost its sanity, reached for its guns and ditched socialist health care.

At the National Memorial Arboretum in Staffordshire, Prince Harry will take a brief respite from shagging his fit American girlfriend to lay a solemn wreath after hopefully washing his hands.

Event organiser, Simon Williams, said:

“Silence will descend at 11:00 GMT on Friday to pre-emptively recall the moment in February 2017 when President Donald J Trump overreacts to a provocative tweet by Chinese President, Xi Jinping.

“The tweet accuses Trump of using his small penis to bum pipistrelle bats and go bareback with other endangered species.

“In his rage, Trump reaches for a map of China and launches his country’s entire nuclear arsenal at Hong Kong.”

Tonight, England and Scotland “footballers” will defy a ban on wearing poppies when they play their last ever qualifying match at Wembley Stadium, before it is reduced to an irradiated heap of rubble.

Williams added, “As a finale, Prince Harry will read the poem ‘The Soldier’, written by LGBT pacifist Rupert Brooke, and then text his girlfriend to say that he’s still on for tonight.”

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