Vladimir Putin declares victory in US Presidential elections

author avatar by 8 years ago

Vladimir Putin has been elected the 45th President of the United Stares after a stunning victory last night.

Putin, who was a surprise contender when he entered the race last year, consistently outperformed expectations outpolling all challengers and besting his competition in debates.

Putin has announced that he will run the United States through a proxy as he is much too busy running the far more important country of Russia.

In a shock victory, American voters showed they were prepared to overlook Putin’s history of running the KGB in favour of his perceived strong leadership and no-nonsense attitude.

Doubts over his economic record were also waved aside, with uncomfortable facts such as Russian GDP halving in the last three years being dismissed as scaremongering.

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“You fellow Americans,” said Putin in his acceptance speech.

“I have so many people to thank for my victory; Edward Snowden, Julian Assange, Bradley Manning, but not least of all the Democratic Party, who put up the only candidate even I could beat.

“Oh, and I mustn’t forget to congratulate myself too for putting the whole thing together.

“God bless America,” he added with a smile.

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