A Martian invasion of Planet Earth was delayed this morning when alien demands to be taken to the leader of the free world were just met with shifty looks and embarrassed silence.
“It was really weird,” admitted Martian invasion fleet captain Zy-Mon Williams.
“Normally when we invade a planet, the usual procedure is to park the saucers over the largest and most prosperous-looking nation, beam down, point the blaster at some local and say ‘Take me to your leader’.
“But this time, for some reason, it’s not working.
“All the humans we’ve collared so far just seem to look shifty or embarrassed, saying things like ‘my word, is that the time,’ and then run away.
“Also none of them will look us directly in the eye, they just stare at their feet, whereas normally people always stare at us on account of us being green and stuff.”
But Williams was optimistic. “Pretty soon we’ll find whoever runs this place,” he declared, “and then Earth is doomed! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!”
On hearing this, humanity nodded as if it wasn’t really surprised.