Daily Mail forced to lie down in darkened room after confirmation Prince Harry’s girlfriend is mixed-race

author avatar by 7 years ago

The Daily Mail has been forced to go and lie down in a darkened room for a while after learning that Prince Harry’s new girlfriend is one of those ‘brown ones’.

Doctors were called after the newspaper reported feeling faint at reading the Kensington Palace statement confirming the relationship.

The Daily Mail explained, “I know we’ve been reporting the relationship for days, but we’d hoped against hope it wasn’t really true.

“Sure, we’ve trawled her entire career and social feeds going back years to find video clips and photos that might make her look unsuitable as a girlfriend for a member of our royal family, all without ever saying it’s just because she’s a brown foreigner – but you kinda knew that, right?

“I mean, we can’t just say we don’t like her because she’s brown and foreign. Otherwise, we’d probably find our editor Paul Dacre being reported to himself in his other role at the Press Complaints Commission. That wouldn’t be good for anyone.

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“But now it’s bloody well confirmed she’s definitely going out with him, and.. well… oh hear, I’m coming over all faint again.

“Do you realise that any child they might have would be 6th in line to the throne?! Can you imagine, a BROWN king!!”

At that point the doctors asked us to leave so they could administer an emergency sedative.

I think, therefore I am (Not a Daily Mail reader)