The House of Lancaster has claimed that South Yorkshire Police lay squarely to blame for all atrocities that took place during the War of the Roses 600 years ago.
Indeed it is suggested that the force’s involvement with any historical event has been downright scandalous, including the case of the great whippet robbery in 1983.
South Yorkshire police insisted they were only used as a peacekeeping unit with crowd control responsibilities, a role they are well renowned for carrying out.
As the House of Lancaster came marching towards them with war hammers and battle axes it became clear there were not looking for a peaceful negotiation about the control of the throne.
“Thee daft apath wor spoilin’ for bloody feight,” said Chief Constable, Simon Williams-York.
“Any road up, I told thee men to get tooled up t’ appropriate level an’ show thee barmpots summit what for.”
South Yorkshire police deny any wrongdoing and claim that on the whole, it was the enemies fault for resisting reasonable crowd control measures.
None of the dead officers could be contacted for comment.