Hillary Clinton accused of handing out 30,000 classified emails to trick or treaters

author avatar by 7 years ago

The FBI are investigating Hillary Clinton after trick or treaters found classified documents in their hallowe’en baskets.

A group of Washington, DC, prepubescents found the documents after visiting the Clintons’ where they were given milk, Reece’s pieces, and a 1,800 page report of US special forces activity in Libya.

Clinton has denied acting improperly and insists that all appropriate security protocols were upheld when she gave out troop movements to unsecured children high on sugar.

One child is understood to have found nuclear launch codes written on a Hershey bar wrapper, which aides insisted was well within tolerances for secure communications.

President Obama has publically supported Clinton, saying that he knew she was going out Trick or Treating and he was not aware of any wrongdoing.

“The lady was very kind and said my pirate costume was the bestest so she would email me the minutes of a meeting between the State Department and Iranian nuclear officials,” said 8-year old Simon-Bob Williams.

“But she breaked her promise and just sended me plans for a new missile defence system in Estonia.

“I was very upset but I still hope she beats the wicked orange goblin in the election.”

A spokesman for the FBI said they regretted the timing of the investigation but if Secretary Clinton didn’t want investigating by the authorities then she should stick to making inappropriate sexual comments about children, like her opponent.

In breaking news, Clinton campaign HQ has been evacuated after an unidentified ‘white substance’ was found on the premises.

Initial reports suggest it was found on a dress.