Everyone pretending to have seen I, Daniel Blake

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The Internet is divided over a gritty and compelling drama that nobody has actually watched.

I, Daniel Blake won the Palm d’Or at Cannes earlier this year because that was easier than the judges admitting they’d not actually bothered, and went on to receive rave reviews from reviewers who crept out of press screenings to watch Jack Reacher instead.

The media is filled with debate over the film, with commenters supremely confident nobody will catch them out on detail as nobody else will have bothered either.

Ken Loach has made a career of making heartfelt, socially campaigning films nobody will ever see, and fans of his insist this is probably his best work yet.

“Ken Loach has excelled himself this time,” said Simon Williams, a keen aficionado of worthy films he’s not actually sat through.

“The film raises huge questions about our culture and society in a time of austerity and everyone ought to see it.

“Everyone except me, that is. I tried watching My name is Joe once and I’m not making that mistake again in a hurry.”

Cinemas in Leicester Square, London, were excited when it appeared somebody was in the auditorium for a showing of the film yesterday, but it turned out to be a patron for the previous showing of Doctor Strange who had eaten so much popcorn the fire brigade were needed to cut him free of his seat.

Across the country, people are making plans to see the film everyone is talking about, but something is bound to come up at the last minute.