The fistfight between two UKIP MEPs was over which of them should get the Nobel Peace Prize, a party investigation has confirmed.
MEPs Mike Hookem and Steven Woolfe came to blows after Hookem claimed he was ‘well fuckin’ peaceful’, and would twat anyone who said otherwise.
This led to Woolfe disagreeing and suggesting instead he was most deserving of the Prize due to being the most peace-loving bastard in the room and if anyone disagreed they should step outside and settle it like men.
Speaking for the party, Head of Communications Simon ‘Slugger’ Williams said that nobody loves peace more than UKIP and anyone says different then they’re bastard well asking for it.
“Don’t nobody go disrespecting our commitment to peaceful fuckin’ resolution of the world’s problems,” he told reporters whilst cleaning his nails with a shiv.
“You come over here, saying to us ‘You UKIP, you ain’t peaceful’? You’re just askin for a slap.
“They shoulda given us that prize twice for bringin’ folk closer together in harmony and all that shit.”
When told that Columbian President Santos had been awarded the prize, members of UKIP said that was just fine so long as he stayed in his own country and didn’t try anything funny.