by 
A man is signalling his immediate availability to women by flaunting his Warhammer carrier bag today.
Simon Williams, 34, is brazenly carrying the bag through his town centre in an ostentatious display of naked sexual availability.
The bag is understood to contain several large plastic robots which reinforce the visual cues of his readiness to mate.
The bag is emblazoned with the words “Space Orks Waaaaagh”, which any woman will recognise as the cry of a lone wolf seeking his latest conquest.
“The problem is that women don’t pick up on the subtle signals I’ve been displaying, so I’ve had to break out the big guns,” he told us.
“I tried wearing a selection of badges on my lapel showing my liking of various campaigning, progressive bands, but for some reason, women just seem to be really unobservant of things like that.
“The one time a lady drew me into a conversation about Billy Bragg it turned out she was just a chugger trying to get me to donate £2 a week and actually uninterested in my mating display.
“So I might not have had much success so far, but I don’t think they’ll be able to resist this, especially my new set of…Age of Sigmar,” he added whilst licking his lips seductively and gently stroking his latest bag.
As yet, no females have responded to the visual cues, and Simon is considering popping home to put on his favourite Red Dwarf t-shirt in order to make his well-developed sense of humour unmissable.
