Calls to test 9-year-old Calais girl to ensure she’s not an army of 1200 ISIS terrorists

author avatar by 8 years ago

Concerns are mounting that a 9-year-old migrant girl on her way to Britain from the Calais ‘Jungle’ camp may actually be a huge army of ISIS terrorists intent on setting up a caliphate in Saffron Waldon.

“Obviously, the sensible thing to do would be to send a 9-year-old girl back to the horrendous war zone from which she came,” said Simon Williams, a mid-ranking politician with the morals of a serial-killer keen to advance his career through exploiting any situation he sees fit.

“But because of all this namby-pamby leftie nonsense about protecting children from war, we have to accept her into our country, so it is imperative that we test her extensively to make sure she isn’t actually an army of 1200 ISIS terrorists.”

Mr Williams had a simple suggestion.

“We show this alleged girl a puppy and if she finds it cute and adorable then she’s probably fine, but if she beheads it and then blows up a nearby site of historical interest, then chances are she’s actually an ISIS army.”

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However, newspapers have called for a more humiliating test.

“Make her show her pants,” said the comment column in a leading tabloid.

“If they’re pink then she’s probably not an army of 1200 ISIS terrorists.

“We’re also prepared to pay a sizable sum to put the pictures of her showing her pants on our front page.”

It is understood that the girl in question has been made aware of the attitudes of the British towards her, and is looking into a return to the bomb-ravaged hole in the ground in Syria where she used to live.