There has been a public backlash following a recent announcement that this year the festive storylines in the popular soap will be purely joyful and heartwarming.
“There’s currently a general sense of depressive foreboding that is overshadowing the people of Great Britain, so we thought we’d try and cheer everyone up a bit,” said executive producer Simon Williams.
“Obviously we have historically tried to do this with storylines crammed with murders, affairs, divorce, domestic violence and drug addiction, but apparently some viewers have found this doesn’t help their overwhelming sense of existential angst. So we thought we’d try something a little different.”
The news has not been well-received.
Lifelong EastEnders fan, Brenda Blackwater, was stunned almost beyond words.
“This is absolutely ludicrous” she fumed.
“How the hell am I supposed to get into the festive spirit if they force this sunshine and rainbows garbage down my throat?
“I need the unremitting misery of EastEnders in my life, and never more so than during the season of peace and goodwill.
“As it stands, if I want to depress myself thoroughly over Christmas I’m going to have to watch Mrs Browns Boys, and I never thought I’d need to sink that low.”