David Cameron to f*ck up the National Citizen Service next

author avatar by 8 years ago

After fucking up the whole country, ex-prime minister David Cameron has revealed that his next job will be to fuck up the National Citizen Service.

Cameron, whose EU referendum left the United Kingdom bitterly divided and facing its largest constitutional and economic crisis since World War Two, said that he was relishing the new challenge.

“The National Citizen Service exists to build bridges across social divides, helping teenagers to build the soft skills, the resilience, the self-confidence and the creativity that can help them get on in life.

“But I’m going to fuck that up.”

Support for the new role came from Cameron’s wife Samantha, who said, “Since resigning as PM in June, David has been at home a lot more, and has already fucked up the dishwasher, the lawnmower, and relations with half of our neighbours.

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“I’ll be glad to get him out of the house.”

Cameron said that quitting his parliamentary seat in September had been a difficult decision as he had had to decide whether to fuck things up from the backbenches, or fuck things up outside politics altogether, but was certain that he had made the right choice.

“I’m going to fuck this up good and proper.”

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