Man loses beach body after finally breathing out

author avatar by 8 years ago

A man who has held a deep breath since May has suddenly lost his impressive chest measurement and gained a spare tyre again after exhaling.

32-year-old Simon Williams of Kettering set out to impress girls over the summer with his impressive pecs and lack of beer gut gained through a rigorous training regimen of breathing in deeply and tensing for almost four solid months.

By adding a tight belt he managed to reduce the movement of his belly when turning around sharply or using stairs by almost 95%.

After months of stiffly waddling around in a manner he thought women might find attractive, he finally put a shirt on and breathed out with a relieved sigh of “Ooooh, Christ” on Tuesday in preparation for winter.

“It was tough but worth it,” he told us.

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“Back in early June I got checked out by a girl at a festival, but obviously I couldn’t talk to her as my stomach would have flowed back over my waistband like custard off a table.

“In the run up to Christmas I’m going to pick up women by drinking a lot of beer before going up to them and going ‘Allo Dahhhhhling’.

“They love that.”