An Australian redback spider has demanded police take action after a man pushed his genitals into his face for a second time.
The man, known only as ‘Jordan’, stands accused of exposing himself to the spider for the second time in just five months.
The spider, known to his friends as ‘Gaz’, said the incident has caused him extreme trauma and mental anguish.
Gaz explained, “I was just sitting there minding my own business, like you do, when this bloody massive pervert thrusts his dick right up at me – so I bit him, obviously.
“I know some sickos are into that sort of thing, but I honestly thought a little nip on the bellend would keep him away – but oh no, this guy is a hard-core pervert.
“This country was founded on criminals, I get that, but I didn’t realise they were such sexual deviants.
“This fucker was back just a couple of months later, as brazen as you like, flapping his cock around for every spider to see. It’s disgusting, and I hope they throw the book at him.
“If you need help identifying him, he’s the one with the massive throbbing ballsack.”