Jeremy Corbyn appoints Care Bears to Shadow Cabinet

author avatar by 7 years ago

Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn has announced that the Care Bears will form the basis of his policy team in the run up to the 2020 election.

Key members of his team such as Tax-a-lot Bear and Spend-a-lot Bear will join John McDonnell at the Treasury, with Hug-a-lot Bear being brought in to manage social policy.

Meanwhile Talks-a-lot Bear has kept her position as Shadow Minister for Health and Question Time.

Members of the previous administration such as Carpetbomb-a-lot Bear in the Shadow Defense chair have been let go in the reshuffle, although his replacement Kneecap-a-lot Bear has a lot of background thanks to his time in the IRA.

Delegates at the Labour party conference were reassured that so long as a policy gives you a warm and magical feeling in your tummy, if you wish hard enough it can come true.

Central to the new policy platform is the Caring Meter, which shows how many times people share memes or petitions to social media about caring things.

“The caring meter shows just how much people take to Facebook or Twitter to show they care, which is what 21st century democracy is all about”, said spokesman Williamsalot Bear.

Despite rumours to the contrary, BangsonaboutHitler-a-lot Bear will remain in exile for the forseeable future.