Eddie will consume ticket touts souls, Iron Maiden fans promised

author avatar by 6 years ago

Iron Maiden have promised to protect fans from touts on their forthcoming tour by having their souls consumed by Eddie.

Price gouging by ticket touts is an ever-increasing problem for touring bands, and Iron Maiden have introduced the innovative plan in an attempt to save metalheads money from unscrupulous resellers.

Tickets for the tour will be sold on the strict condition they are not resold, with anyone breaching the restriction subject to the immediate and final consumption of their immortal spirit.

A spokesman for promoters Livenation insisted that an undead monstrosity rending your very essence asunder before chewing up the tattered vestiges did not contravene statutory rights.

“Woe to thee, o touting scum, for the Eddie starts to feast with wrath”, he confirmed.

“Let he who seeks seats or standing ring the number of the ticket line, for it  is a human number.

“And the number to call for tickets is six hundreds and sixty-six.

“Usual call rates apply, and your mobile provider may add additional charges. Check with the bill payer before calling.”

Critics of the plan have been quick to point out it is unlikely to work as touts have no soul to start with.