Comrade Corbyn’s victory is doubleplusgood, announces Labour Party

author avatar by 8 years ago

Comrade Corbyn’s victory is doubleplusgood and otherthinkwise is thoughtcrime, the Labour Party has confirmed.

Oldthink ideas such as Blairism are to be purged, and all goodthinker party members are to carry out a voluntary and spontaneous two-minute display of hate for unperson Tony Blair at 2pm sharp each day to help them bellyfeel IngSoc principles.

Speaking from the Shadow Ministry of Love, defeated comrade Owen Winston Smith confirmed he loves Jeremy Corbyn, although his voice was muffled by the cage of rats strapped to his head.

“Don’t do it to me, do it to Liz Kendall!”, he added.

Loyal members of the Outer Party who voted for Corbyn will receive a complimentary bottle of Victory Gin.

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Disloyal members who did not will also receive a bottle, although theirs will be delivered through the window with a blazing rag stuffed in the neck.

When questioned about mandatory deselection of disloyal MPs and how they expected this sort of behaviour is going to go down with voters at a general election, a spokesman for the leader smiled and led a chant of ‘Four MPs good! Two MPs better!’