by 
A Mancunian has been discovered with humility, shocking the city to its core and leading to promises that he will be eliminated.
“After extensive tests, I can confirm that a man who was born within the city of Manchester has tested positive for humility,” said a City official.
“We believe the man is an aberration, and there is no risk of any humility spreading through the population of Manchester.
“However, as a precaution, he will be destroyed,”
Manchester, whose city slogan is ‘We’re better than you,’ last saw a case of humility in 1979 when a Mrs Beryl Wastage was heard to say ‘Hmm, I’m not sure. I don’t really understand much about that,’ leading to widespread panic through the city that it was about to face an outbreak of humility.
Happily, after isolating Mrs Wastage and sending her on a re-education program that involved her saying ‘I’m from Manchester, I’m best,’ over and over again for a six-month period, she was entirely cured, and Manchester remained humility-free for several decades
Sadly, it appears this is not an option for the latest case.
“Unfortunately, the humility runs too deep; the man truly believes that others’ values and thoughts may carry equal or more weight than is own. Euthanasia is the only option.”
When told that other cities and cultures value humility as a way of creating understanding and advancement amongst their population, the city official was quick to respond.
“That’s why they’re shit.”
