China’s first space station has failed and will fall out of orbit after the warranty ran out last Tuesday, we can report.
The Tiangong-1 “Heavenly palace” space station was launched in 2011 with a five-year warranty which has now expired, resulting in immediate and final systemic failure.
The manufacturer of the station has denied any liability, insisting that customers should have purchased the extended warranty when the station was launched.
They did not respond to further questions.
“We should have known this would happen after what happened with the washing machine,” said Chinese space agency spokesman Sino Williams.
“Warranty runs out and twenty minutes later the kitchen floor is eight inches deep in water with the manufacturer refusing to take our calls.
“Same thing here, except in this instance ‘kitchen floor eight inches deep in water’ translates as ‘smoking eight hundred yard crater somewhere random on the earth’s surface.”
When asked how we could prepare for the re-entry, Sino advised people that, like a faulty washing machine, you’re best off not standing underneath it when it goes bang.