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Ex-Prime Minister and harbinger of national destruction David Cameron has announced that following his retirement as an MP he will be charging up to £50k per hour on the lucrative after-dinner prostitution circuit.
“Nothing too kinky,” said the bizarrely shiny-faced ex-PM.
“I mean, I went to Eton, I had enough of that there.”
However, he did clarify that he was happy to engage in some light role play.
“Well, look, I’m only going to entertain particularly high-end clients, so I do want to give value for money.
“If you’re paying £50k an hour of my time and you want me to, say, dress up as a Prime Minister, then I’m happy to do so.
“Can’t guarantee I’ll be terribly convincing, though.”
New PM Theresa May has declined to comment on Mr Cameron’s new career choice, but an insider revealed that she certainly wouldn’t be paying him a visit, telling us, “f**k David Cameron? No, she already did that by scrapping all his austerity plans and bringing back grammar schools.”
Mr Cameron confirmed that he was looking forward to moving into a new career.
“I’m excited, it’ll make a nice change to get paid for people to do to me what I’ve done to the country.”
