Monday 19 September 2016 by Dan Sweryt

Clarkson’s new show to be socially responsible celebration of diversity and environment

Jeremy Clarkson Amazon Top Gear

Professional contrarian Jeremy Clarkson insists he has learnt from his past mistakes and promises his new Amazon show will be nothing but a socially responsible celebration of equality, liberalism and extreme box-ticking when it airs on November 18th.

Clarkson said, “It’s true! Our first guests are Jeremy Corbyn, Diane Abbott and someone vertically-challenged of the transgender persuasion.

“Challenges include riding a bike in a cycle lane and filling in some paperwork at length to ensure all boxes are not only ticked, but ticked correctly and using a black pen only.

“Richard and James will perform some ridiculously eco-friendly tasks each week, before our tame eco-warrior, The Prig, does it both more economically and with greater efficiency, using only compostable materials.

“In fact, there won’t be a single car in this show. Cars are horrifying purveyors of climate change, which I have stopped denying and have now fully embraced. We will instead ride recyclable go-karts made entirely from bamboo.

“All nationalities are in for something of a treat too. The Mexicans, in particular, will be pleased that there’s neither mention of poncho nor refried bean, and should I punch a producer – which I won’t – the budget would be way large enough for it to be settled out of court and kept out of the media.

“I promise that this will be nothing but a liberal leftie love-in Guardian readers will adore.

“In fact, they’ll no doubt get a massive stiffie watching it.”

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