Friday 16 September 2016

UKIP elects Diane James as new person to go on and on about immigration

Diane James UKIP

UKIP has elected Diane James as the new leader responsible for going on and on about immigration at every possible opportunity.

James took to the stage in front of a standing ovation from those members of the audience fortunate enough to not suffer from a dicky hip, and told everyone she was overjoyed to follow Nigel Farage.

“This is a great honour,” James told a rapturous conference venue.

“Oh, and immigration, borders, control, immigrants, Brexit!” she added to cheers from the crowds.

“I want to say to all UKIP supporters, wherever you are, immigration, borders, immigrants, asylum seekers, foreign aid, the establishment, British values, secure our borders!

“And let me remind you all, and those who oppose us, country’s full, immigrants, eurocrats, remainiacs, BRITISH PASSPORT!”

James then stood and calmly accepted a second, fifteen-minute standing ovation.

Supporters have welcomed the appointment, with long-time UKIP voter Harold Williams, 68, telling us, “She’s saying all the right things, just what I want to hear from our new leader.

“I listen to her speak, and it’s like she’s using the thoughts from inside my brain space.”

“Immigrants, borders, British Passport, immigrants and immigrants – all the important stuff.”

“I think she’ll do brilliantly.”

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