Friday 9 September 2016 by Davywavy

Majority of voters perfectly happy to pay for things to be shoved up Keith Vaz’s arse

Keith Vaz up his arse

Most taxpayers are entirely fine with their money being used to pay for things to be shoved up Keith Vaz’s arse so long as they get a say in what they are, according to polls today.

Vaz, who was revealed as engaging the services of male prostitutes this week, resigned from the Home affairs select committee which was, ironically enough, carrying out a long-term investigation into prostitution.

However, opinion polls after the fact reveal most people are relaxed about his private life, but if taxpayer money is involved they’d want to be consulted about the precise nature of the services being engaged.

“I don’t really mind paying for it so long as get a say,” said voter Simon Williams of Kettering.

“Ideally it would be a pineapple or maybe a hedgehog, but I’m open to the idea of a sea urchin.

“Perhaps we should have a referendum to decide?”

Many people have revised their opinion of Vaz after the findings, suggesting that they thought he was a wanker before this, but now it turns out he pays someone else to do it for him.

Vaz is also accused of trying to procure drugs, which most people are fine with so long as it’s a ‘massive dose’ of acid and the results are live-streamed on the Internet.

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