Bridget Jones’ baby probably the antichrist

author avatar by 8 years ago

An ultrasound scan on loveable klutz Bridget Jones has revealed the numbers 666 on her baby’s cranium.

This is just the latest in a line of hilarious mishaps to befall Jones, whose battles with weight, drink and love have been recorded in books and films for almost two decades.

Bringing forth an empty-eyed child whose laugh shall undo unhappy mankind is “just the sort of thing you’d expect from Bridge” friends told us with a chuckle.

“It’s like that time it all went wrong for her trying to cater her own party, only with more screams of the tormented and doom of humanity,” they laughingly added over a glass of Prosecco.

Jones is understood to be uncertain who the father of her child is – former squeeze Mark Darcy or new love Jack, a dashing American with the head of a jackal and a halo of flies.

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Friends are concerned for Jones as her face appears to have entirely changed shape since they last saw her despite her denials of plastic surgery.

“She’s lost that adorable, crinkly-eyed smile she used to have,” we were told.

“It’s either Botox or Beelzebub, one or the other.”

When asked about carrying the unborn child of Armageddon, Jones gave an adorable flap of her arms and asked, “Why does this sort of thing always happen to me?”

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