Yorkshire declares war on South over pronunciation of the word ‘scone’

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Tensions flared at a church fayre in Northallerton over the weekend when a southern couple acted provocatively by repeatedly asking for a ‘skown’, whatever one of those may be.

Reports indicate that the southerners, understood to be from Herefordshire, were ‘telled and telled and telled’ there weren’t no ‘skowns’ but they just seemed to think that was funny and kept doing it until conflict became inevitable.

“It’s not exactly bloody difficult,”  Yorkshire spokesman Saz Williams said.

“It’s a bloody scon. We’ve been fair and reasonable and gived them a chance, but it’s scon. Not ‘skeown’. Scon.”

Early reports from the conflict indicate that a branch of Greggs in Newark has been shelled flat after staff refused to abandon their posts and take up arms in support of the scon forces.

“You can take our freedom, but you’ll never take our cream teas!” they’re understood to have shouted before being overwhelmed.

Lancashire has offered to join hostilities on Yorkshire’s side, but their offer has been sharply rebuffed.

“Yorkshire tea is made of tar in old workmen’s boots”, Saz telled us.

“In Lancashire they drink tea made out of pansy leaves. Enough said.”

In breaking news, forces from Newcastle have just crossed the Yorkshire border after rejecting a UN-brokered peace deal over whether bread rolls are called Stottie cakes or barms.