Wednesday 7 September 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Hipster Dad ‘concerned’ about 2 year-old son’s dress sense

Hipster Dad

A hipster father from the Brighton area has made clear his concern regarding his two-year-old son’s dress sense.

“Yeah his name is Byron and, I mean, I love him regardless, I want to make that clear,” said beard topiarist Simon Williams.

“But his dress sense is definitely a concern to me. I mean, he thinks his designer floral-print shirt is for girls, he’s smashed his little horn-rimmed spectacles, and he did a poo in the faux-vintage flat-cap I bought for him.

“I don’t understand what’s the matter with him, all he wants is to wear is this Pokemon t-shirt.

“And I’m fairly sure he’s not even wearing it ironically.”

Mr Williams also has a daughter.

“Yeah, Poppy or Daisy or something, she’s fine. She’s got baby ray-bans and a very cool selection of vintage summer dresses that she mixes up with distressed converse shoes.

“It’s just Byron who’s the weird one.”

Mr Williams’ difficulties came to a head at a recent festival.

“Yeah, that was bad. Brian Wilson was doing a full performance of ‘Pet Sounds’ at a boutique festival nearby.

“All the other kids were in Hawaiian shirts, and were doing charming little twist-dances with their Mums.

“Byron had taken his pants off and was running around shouting ‘poo-wind, poo-wind’.

“I was pretty disappointed.”

However, Mr Williams has a plan to deal with Byron’s aberrant behaviour.

“I’ve got pretty good with Photoshop, so I’ll just copy Byron’s head onto photos of David Beckham’s kids and leave him at home for the next festival.

“That way I won’t look so much like a shit dad.”

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