Junior doctors call for seven-day Tory government

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Junior doctors have called for the establishment of a true seven-day a week Tory government.

“Statistics show that the people of Britain are far less likely to receive vacuous and evasive policy statements on Saturday and Sundays,” said NHS representative Simon Williams.

“In this day and age, it’s completely unacceptable. The people of this country deserve a true seven-day Tory government.”

Mr Williams maintains that there will be no extra cost to the public purse.

“It is quite simple to extend the hours of the Tory government to include weekend working – simply issue a series of barefaced lies about costs and then expect the MPs to work themselves into a state of constant paralysing exhaustion.

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“I mean, I’m sure most people became Tory MPs because they have a calling to serve the people of Britain, and not to simply rack up vast sums in expenses before retiring into a life of advising corporate bastards in return for unimaginable wealth; so they’ll be quite happy to work extra weekends for free.”

However, top Tories have reacted to the junior doctors’ calls with bemusement.

“Work weekends? We do work at the weekend,” insisted a top Tory.

“Drinks parties with representatives of countries with dubious human rights records, selling arms to dictators, coming up with mad plans to run public services into the ground – we’ve no time to do that during the week.”

On hearing this, Mr Williams has been moved to reconsider his position.

“You know what? Perhaps we should actually cut the Tory government’s working days in a week to three, maybe even two.

“They can do less damage that way.”