China overrun by Giant Pandas

author avatar by 8 years ago

Giant Pandas have been at it like rabbits, the Chinese government has confirmed.

The notoriously shy bears have spent decades winding everyone up by refusing to have sex until they recently got bored of that nonsense and ‘just started fucking like teenagers again’.

A recent explosion of red-hot Panda action has resulted in the bears being taken off the endangered list and added to a list of pests and vermin, as they’re bloody everywhere.

Reports from China suggest that several major cities are overrun by ‘urban Pandas’ which disturb residents by going through the bins and then having noisy sex at bus stops and on car bonnets.

“It turns out if there’s one thing Pandas like, it’s boning,” said Simon Williams, head of the Panda Pornography department at London Zoo.

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“They love it, the dirty bears. And they’re not shy either. Belgian Biscuit, Reverse Steamboat, Angry Cowgirl, they’ll do it any way you can think of.

“Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?”

Having now saved the Panda,  researchers are urgently looking at how to stop them shagging again before it’s too late for all of us.

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