Republican Presidential candidate and hair pioneer Donald Trump has now fired so many political operatives that his campaign team is made up entirely of whoever is standing by him at any given time.
“Yeah, I was on Mr Trump’s campaign team for a spell there,” said short order cook Simon Williams.
“He came in my place for a cup of coffee and for some of Hettie’s pie, and when I brought him his order to his booth over in the window there he asked me my name and I said ‘Simon, Mr Trump, sir,’ and so he said ‘well Simon, why don’t you don’t sit down and be on my campaign team for a while?’ I said ‘sure Mr Trump’.”
It is understood that Mr Williams helped formulate the softening of Mr Trump’s immigration policy seen recently and helped him with the immigration speech expected this week.
Other people who have briefly been on Mr Trump’s campaign team include a man having a cigarette outside an office in Lubbock, Texas and Shia Labeouf.
It is understood that a homeless drunk man with soiled trousers was asked by Mr Trump to help formulate a coherent defence policy but he declined saying, ‘I do have some standards’.