My health is dependent on whether I’m running for President or being drafted, confirms Trump

author avatar by 8 years ago

After Donald Trump’s doctor took just five minutes to report that he’s the healthiest presidential candidate of all time, Donald Trump explained that his health status changes depending on what he’s being asked to do.

Dr Harold Bornstein wrote a letter explaining that Trump has “the best health, simply terrific health” and that he has “hands of above average size”.

Trump himself addressed the concerns that his medical report didn’t show the same issues found when he was a much younger man.

He explained, “As a 24-year-old, doctors checked me out and said I wasn’t fit to serve my country in Vietnam, but as a 70-year-old there’s never been anyone fitter to run for the White House. I’m in terrific shape.

“I don’t see what the issue is?

NewsThump Best sellers

When pressed Trump admitted he does have one medical condition not included in his health report.

He went on, “They tell me I have what’s known as ‘Schrodinger’s Syndrome’ – which means I am both healthy and unhealthy – until I observe what it is I’m being asked to do.”

“Want me to travel halfway around the world and fight in the jungle in a war that killed 60,000 Americans? I think you’ll find I’m probably unfit for that.

“Want me to live in the White House and become the most powerful man in the world? I think you’ll find I’m perfectly fit for that.

“But of course, as I’m running for President I don’t actually have ‘Schrodinger’s Syndrome’ in my medical report – see how that works?”