Obesity plan working, says government of nation glued to programme about cakes

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The government is delighted with the success of its obesity plan as only 11.2 million viewers returned for a seventh series of the Great British Bake Off.

“The evidence is clear for everyone to see in the statistics, said government statistical truth-twister, Simon Williams.

“The peak audience of 11.2 million means that 50 million people were probably out playing sports or juicing berries and spinach for a superfood smoothie.

“What we have essentially done here is a bloody brilliant job, our plan is definitely working.”

Experts suggest it might be unfair that the public has to pay £145.50 to the BBC to watch television – which makes you fat in the first place – to further produce shows about cakes which will then make you stuff your face with cake and get even fatter.

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Part of the Government’s obesity plan is to make big business take responsibility for their actions, says the report.

When asked for comment the BBC said, “With £5 billion annual income we don’t really consider ourselves a big business, and as a responsible public broadcaster, we need to broadcast responsibly to the needs of the public, and what they need is cake.”

“It’s not television that makes you fat – it’s the sitting down to watch it that does.”

A Bake Off producer commented “Look, we tried to get Mary Berry to fatten up a bit to highlight the dangers of cakes.

“We even pinned her down and rammed as much battenburg into her face as we could , but she just stayed the size of an emaciated twiglit.”