Annual Labour brewery piss-up in danger of cancellation

author avatar by 8 years ago

Labour’s annual brewery piss-up may have to be held round at Jeremy Corbyn’s house after they completely failed to organise it.

The event is held every year as regular as clockwork, and all that is really required is for someone to find a brewery willing to host the event and then make halfway decent plans well in advance – which the party has failed to do.

The organisation of the event was thrown into disarray after Labour described local bouncers as ‘a bunch of cocksuckers we wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire’, and then were taken by surprise when they declined the chance of working the door.

Alternative contractors have said they’ll be washing their hair that night, and that you need to book well in advance if you want to be sure.

A spokesman for the Labour party said that despite their demonstrable inability to organise their own internal piss-up in a friendly brewery, the electorate could be sure they were capable of running a first world nation efficiently and effectively.

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“It’s not a problem,” said spokesman Simon Williams. “We’ll just hold the bash round at Jeremy’s house.

“It’s a lovely big left-wing house so there’ll be plenty of room for everyone. Just bring along a gluten-free vegan pasta bake and it’ll be great. See you all there!

“Oh, no drink, though. Jeremy doesn’t approve.

“Vote for us!” he added, waving an empty pint glass around.