Conspiracy theorists claim ‘maths’ a tool of the illuminati

author avatar by 8 years ago

Reacting to the news that it has been mathematically proven most conspiracy theories are a load of pony and trap, theorists have added mathematicians to the ever-growing list of people controlled by the New World Order.

Pointing to the luxurious, high-rolling life of fast cars and parties enjoyed by mathematicians as proof of their claim, believers insist the global sums cartel is deliberately hiding the truth.

Angry people on the Internet have insisted that if mathematicians went away and learned some ACTUAL SCIENCE, they would quickly realise they have been duped by a sinister global numbers conspiracy whose aim is to keep humanity in bondage.

“If you look at the evidence, there’s no proof at all that ‘mathematics’ is anything other than a NWO tool designed to keep you in slavery,” said conspiracy theorist Simon Williams, who asked not to be named.

“It’s actually been scientifically proven that ‘numbers’ have no basis in reality and mathematicians are hushing it up to keep their funding.

“Maths is only accurate when I’m doing it, and it’s about jet fuel and steel.

“Wake up sheeple!” he added.

As an experiment, scientists plan to start a rumour that tinfoil is being tampered to with by the lizard-people so it no longer blocks brain-control rays just to see what happens.