China ghosts Britain

author avatar by 7 years ago

British diplomats have nervously asked the Chinese government to confirm that we’re cool today, following several days of complete silence from the Chinese embassy.

Sensing that something might be up, the Foreign Office has been ringing the Chinese Ambassador all morning, but reports indicate nobody is picking up.

Simon Williams, Foreign Office senior duty officer for the China desk, confirmed that he had left several messages and sent texts and emails, but nobody had come back to him.

“I sent one at five to eight this morning so it would be waiting for them when they got in, saying that we were cool if they were and would they like to come round for a drinks reception or something to show no hard feelings,” he told us.

“I got a read receipt, but there’s been no reply so far which is a bit of a concern.”

China is understood to have been a bit annoyed ever since Theresa May decided not to allow their intelligence services to build a gigantic nuclear reactor in the west country, and then they just went completely silent after the Olympics.

“How about we just give you some of our gold medals and you can tell Xi Jinping that you won them. Would that work for you?” Williams is understood to have asked.

“I’m not helping, am I?”

A spokesman for the Chinese state news agency said they didn’t know what the problem was as they’d absolutely beaten Britain in the medals table, and anyone reporting differently would be spending a jolly long time in the People’s Happiness and Truth Re-education Camp.