A ginger tom has launched a vehicle-based suicide bid after accidentally tuning into Nick Grimshaw’s Radio 1 show.
Three-year-old moggy, Mr Tiddles, was listening to a repeat airing of Grimshaw reviewing the new Frank Ocean album with somebody called MistaJam, when it suddenly realised the futility of existence.
Tiddles said, “Grimshaw was giving a big shout out to everyone who attended some music industry gala when I found myself staring into the abyss.
“I thought about taking pills or jumping from a great height, which is a bit pointless as I possess the necessary evolutionary adaptions to perform such an act.
“Next thing, I spot eight grand’s worth of G-wagon cruising down the street with the man himself sat behind the wheel, so I thought I’d take him, and myself, out.
“You are familiar with the expression two birds with one stone?”
In the ensuing collision, Grimshaw’s car was tipped on its side leaving the cat badly shaken.
After making sure the cat had no serious injuries, police returned to the vehicle to check whether the famous DJ had a pulse.
Metropolitan Police spokesman , Simon Williams, confirmed, “He did.”
Tiddles added, “Most of the other cats around here listen to Mark Radcliffe’s program on 6 Music so I might give that a go.”