St Trinians causes international incident after winning Olympic hockey

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The St Trinians school hockey team winning Olympic gold has caused a wave of complaints from other competing nations.

The Cambridgeshire boarding school for girls was an unexpected addition to  Team GB, and rumours suggest they were only included after stealing incriminating photographs of Lord Coe from a bank vault.

St Trinians are notorious for their ‘aggressive’ playing style, which involves forming a mob around the ball, fending off opposing players with pikes, and occasionally booby-trapping the pitch.

Hospitalisations of members of other teams are at an all-time high following the event, and seven members of the Holland team went missing before last night’s clash.

Opposing teams attempted to complain, but the responsible IOC officials had vanished. Most have subsequently been found tied up with a bag over their head, dead drunk, or locked in Nick Skelton’s horse box.

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“Shame you didn’t talk to me yesterday,” said  ‘Flash’ Harry Edwards, team coach, manager and accountant.

“I was offering tidy odds on Nick Skelton in the riding.

“Can still do you 3/1 on the Peruvians in the women’s Triathlon, squire.”

The St Trinians girls are understood the have sung an ‘entirely inappropriate’ version of the national anthem during the awards ceremony before piling on the 2nd and 3rd place teams and stealing their medals too.

They are to be deported from Rio as soon as the Brazilians pluck up the courage.

When questioned about the poor behaviour of the American swimming team, head girl Kelly Jones gave a scornful laugh and described them as ‘amateurs.’