The Modern Pentathlon event – riding, swimming, running, shooting and fencing – has been won by a mysterious man in a mask who appeared in the Rio games without warning.
The man, who declined to give any name beyond slashing his initial into the front of the judges’ shirt with the point of his blade, won all five events in a dazzling display of athleticism and all-round derring-do.
Perhaps most impressively he did not remove his cape and mask at any point during the event, even the swimming.
The dashing avenger won the fencing after holding off a succession of guards and then besting the Alcalde of Villa de Leya, captain of the Mexican team.
Opponents in the event complained that no normal man could have achieved such feats and suggested that the man in the mask was imbued with supernatural prowess, but he laughed off the claims and said that he was only doing what anyone who had truly devoted his life to his cause could do.
Upon being awarded the gold, he immediately gave it to the hungry peasants of a nearby village before stealing the silver and bronze medals with an oath to give them to the needy wherever they may be found.
Avoiding government troops sent to capture him, the masked hero then reared his horse and galloped off into the sunset – pausing only to promise to return for the 2020 Tokyo games where he would do battle with an enigmatic lone samurai in the event.